


The Past Keeps Pulling Me Back

by Amber_Flicker



Series: Coldflash Week - 2016 [1]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: And a little bit of, Angst, ColdFlash Week 2016, Hurt/Comfort, LoT did not happen, M/M, Overprotective Len, Panic Attacks, Pre-Slash, Self-Hatred, the description makes it sound fluffier than it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-09-07 00:18:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8775643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amber_Flicker/pseuds/Amber_Flicker
Summary: In which heists are interrupted, someone gets frozen, Barry is not okay, and Len is still a lousy villain.-Coldflash Week - Day 3 - Saving each other





	

**Author's Note:**

> Some notes before we begin: Barry didn't seem affected by flashpoint much, after it was over? And he should've been, because he got back his parents, lost them again, and let's not forget the _I need you to kill my mother_ thing. This is set early season 3. Somewhat of a fix-it in the aspect that he's a lot more upset about all the problems he's caused for his friends than he ever seemed to be in the show?
> 
> Title from The Razor's Edge by Digital Daggers

"I'm afraid I'll be ruining your fun tonight, Rogues." She came so unexpectedly that no one thought to stop her. She didn't try to approach anyone but Barry, her expression unsettling Len for some reason, he couldn't pin it down. Maybe it was her presence in general. It felt... wrong, like she didn't belong. "Selfish of me, really, but this isn't about you." 

"What? No, that's not how this works."

She- Len assumed she was a meta, but she'd yet to display any powers- turned back to Barry as he reached for her. It was so fast that no one could really tell what happened, and none of the Rogues dared get into a fight with someone who had entirely unknown abilities, especially as she was doing their job for them. He could feel the confused gazes on him, _why aren't we escaping while we can?_ , yet Len didn't move. He wanted to see how this turned out, this fight with someone who went so far as to interrupt their banter just for... attention? What did she want, and who was she? 

And why hadn't The Flash taken her down yet?

They finally seemed to reach an impasse, the Meta barely holding back his hands from hitting her, and it was clearly straining her. Had to give her credit for that, most people couldn't hold back a speedster in the slightest- though, Barry didn't seem to be fighting as well as usual tonight... "That was great, but let's get to the main event, Flash." Her hands glowed silver, the power winding halfway up Barry's arms until they began to shake, and he suddenly dropped to his knees- this wasn't what everyone noticed. Barry's anguished scream was. It was so fraught with raw pain that Len could see even Mardon cringe out of the corner of his eye. The only person who seemed unaffected was the meta. She stared down at her handiwork for a moment, satisfied, then glanced up at Len, giving him a _wink._ "Have fun." 

That's when it clicked. She couldn't even finish him off himself. She meant to incapacitate him with whatever she just did and leave him to the mercy of his enemies.

 

And Len? He had none.

 

Not for her, that is.

 

Her leg iced over a second later as she tried to walk away. Her shriek dulled in comparison to what they'd already heard. Len ignored the other Rogues as he stalked over, cold gun still charged. "Now, it's not good manners to interrupt people's fights."

"I-I took down your enemy for you!" She said, looking angrily from him back down to her blackened skin. 

"It wasn't for me. Leaving him here was just a bonus to what you did to him." His voice was cold. "You really didn't study up enough if you thought I'd go for that."

"Does it matter?! Either way he's c-completely helpless! Why the fuck are you attacking m-me?"

He aimed the gun at the meta again, watching her cringe. "I shoot at the Flash. I don't do whatever that was. This is a fun game, but not when people don't play by the rules. And you, well," the gun went back into it's holster, and she let out a relieved sigh, "you didn't play fair." 

He kicked her frozen leg. It shattered. Len waited until she stopped screaming. "I don't ever want to see your face again- that includes on the news, attacking the Flash." He nodded at Shawna, and she disappeared, reappearing a moment later and kneeling in front of Barry, her need to help coming through even for her enemy. Len was a little surprised, thought he'd have to order her to do it- she hated him and his team for how she'd been locked up, and even with The Flash's unusually friendly relationship with The Rogues, she'd never quite gotten over it. He didn't think she ever would, fully- still afraid of small spaces and not being able to see around her. But she actually looked a little worried.

The metahuman was gone, dropped at the CCPD doors. He would rather have gotten rid of her, but it wasn't worth breaking the deal for. Lisa gave him a knowing look as he came up beside Shawna. Silent sobs wracked his frame, and his eyes were unfocused. "He's not responding to me, Len. I don't know what she did, but it's nothing good." Len could hear sirens in the distance, as could everyone else. "I don't think I could even teleport him to the hospital in the state, and I don't think that'd be a great idea anyway..."

Mark, still holding one of the bags of jewelry (Mick had the other) glanced around anxiously. None of them wanted to get caught here- they end up in jail, and only Hartley would be around to get them all out. (Not that Len thought he couldn't, necessarily, but it was far from ideal.) "I say we just leave him here."

Shawna turned to glare at him, and the meta just shrugged. "What else are we supposed to do? Take him back with us? He's the enemy."

Well, that was really their only option. S.T.A.R was on the other side of town, and Len didn't want to expose that as the Flash's base of operations. They needed to get out of here, and Len was hardly going to leave the speedster here in this state, nemeses or no. The meta had clearly messed with his head, triggered some sort of breakdown. Plus, if the police found out who he was, their deal would be off. He made the decision in an instant. 

Worryingly fast, if he was honest.

(It was the logical choice, he told himself.)

"Mick." The man didn't reply, just handed the bag he was holding to Lisa, and walked over. Shawna stood and stepped away, confusion colouring her face. Mick lifted Barry easily, and he didn't seem to notice that either, just curling up and whimpering. 

When they got to the van, it was a little trickier, but they managed. Len slid in beside him, then turned to Hartley, sitting in the back. He'd been monitering the heist, as usual. Len knew he'd heard it all. "Who the fuck was that? What did she do?"

"I hacked into S.T.A.R's files. They're calling her 'Miss Misery'," he looked like he wanted to make a comment at the ridiculous name, but continued, "and her abilities aren't quite clear. Current theory is she brings up all the worst memories from someone's life and hits them with all the emotion from those events at once." That fit, and certainly explained why Barry was this upset. Len knew the general details of Barry's life, had since he'd found out his identity. It wasn't pretty.

Looking at him now, he wished he'd killed that meta, damn the deal. 

Mick was giving him the look he always did when he thought Len was making bad decisions. "You sure about this?" He didn't bother trying to say it wasn't a good idea or ask what the hell Len thought he was doing.

"Wouldn't have gone through with it if I wasn't."

It only took ten minutes to get to the closest safehouse. They were quick and quiet going in, even though it was late and it was unlikely they'd be spotted, Len refused to take chances. 

They had enough issues without the police getting led to them. Barry had still been too out of it to stand, not quite registering anything around him, still stuck in his head, but his sobs had faded into mere tears. He ended up sitting on the couch, Shawna draped a blanket over his shoulders, dropped a box of tissues between the speedster and Len, and went to join the other Rogues, who settled further away, not wanting to get in the middle of it, not sure how to react to the strange circumstances.

Len glanced over briefly, letting his expression speak for him. _I trust you not to do anything with what you saw tonight._ The threat was clear enough. Len didn't really think they'd try to hurt Barry with this, all of them too aware of emotional pain, but better safe than sorry. Then he looked to his sister.

Lisa ushered everyone out, despite grumblings from some of them. He'd have to leave some of the shiny things they'd stolen tonight to her. He didn't know what he'd do without her help.

Len carefully pushed back his mask. He was sure it wasn't helping matters, and he needed to get Barry out of this flashback before he hyperventilated himself into passing out. "Barry. 

"Look at me." Barry did- the first response he'd gotten out of the speedster. That meant he was on the right track. "You need to breathe. It's alright, you're not there anymore. You're safe."

"B-but _they're_ not safe, they're dead and it's my fault, things are n-n-never going to be _alright_ -" Barry's grip on his hand grew tight, too tight, and he fought back a wince as he looked into his frantic eyes, lightening sparking. _"No one is safe around me."_

Len wrenched his arm away as soon as Barry's voice started echoing, subtly trying to rub the residual feeling of shocks from his hand. It wasn't hard to figure out who he was talking about- Len had known as soon as he found out what that meta had done, what Barry was thinking about. Now, both of his parents being dead? That was a new one, but he hadn't been keeping much attention on the speedster recently. "No. Stop taking the blame for something that's not in any way your fault. Someone takes someone you love, that's on them. There's nothing you could have done."

"I could have, I could have fixed everything, I _did_ and even that wasn't okay, I had to watch her be murdered all over again for the good of the timeline, a timeline that still isn't right, and I, I can't-" Tears were spilling over again, and he'd collapsed inward, the sparks gone now. "I had to _beg_ him to kill her."

Fuck. 

"I just mess everything up! It's- I- Nothing feels real anymore, I don't even remember all the differences in the timeline half the t-time, I feel so _disconnected,_ everyone is mad at me, and it's my own fault, I'm a terrible person who ruins everything around me-"

This, one of the most kind, bright people Len had ever met. He didn't fully understand all of this, but it was enough. Barry'd messed time up again (he thinks of the hole in the sky last year) and everyone's lives- including his own- with it. Along with rewatching his mother die again... led to this. Len couldn't say he'd ever had a similar experience. But breakdowns, he could deal with those.

"Shhh, calm down. It's okay, you're okay. Just breath." He continued through Barry's weak protests, until he stopped fighting.

It took a while, but eventually Barry sagged, strength sapped away after the ordeal. Len didn't push him off when he leaned against his shoulder, the speedster clearly needing the contact.

"Why are you helping me?" He mumbled after a while, the first fully calm words he'd said so far.

"Couldn't very well leave you there."

"I deserved it."

"Facing consequences for your actions? Sure. _That_ wasn't even related to the problem."

Barry snorted quietly. "You have no idea what I caused."

"And what, you think that was some sort of penance?" He didn't mean to snap, but he wasn't getting through any other way. "Being pushed into a mental breakdown isn't helping anyone. When you fuck up you do your best to fix it, and accept it if you can't, but you do _not_ destroy yourself trying to pay for what you did." Barry's head raised sharply, mouth open to protest. "-don't try to tell me that wasn't exactly what you were doing- we both know damn well you had enough time to flash away before she hit you with her powers."

Barry shook his head. "Tell that to everyone who hates me right now."

"People need time. What, you think things are okay after nothing but an apology?" For all his intelligence, Barry could be really _dumb._

"I-" He stopped for a moment, looking guilty. "I didn't really think of that. God, I'm an idiot."

"You are."

Barry's glare was weak. "And now you're back to being a jerk."

"You're the one who said it, Scarlet. I just agreed."

"Can I stay here?" The sudden change of subject was unexpected. "I mean, not- not forever, obviously, but, tonight? I just... don't want to go answer questions right now." _Or find out that no one cared that I disappeared anyway,_ he didn't say. He didn't have to, his expression said it all.

It was a bad idea.

Really bad idea.

"Sure." He said. "Just don't cause trouble."

***

Shawna leaned over the back of the sofa. "Do you think they're... together?" She asked conspiratorially. They'd all grouped up in the family room (when they'd first came to this particular safehouse, someone asked _why there were two living rooms_ , sending Len into an explanation of how _No, that one is the living room for sitting to relax and guests, and the TV goes in the family room, which is back there. Learn the difference._ It was ridiculous. No one made the mistake again.) Now that the worry has subsided, the discussion took a different turn. "I mean, didn't this strike anyone else as odd?"

"If they're not yet, they will be." Said Hartley.

"Lenny says it's not flirting, but it _definitely_ is." 

"Hey," Mark said from his spot, "Isn't it against the rules to save your enemies? Like, supervillain 101?"

"There's a book for doing this?" Shawna said, poofing next to him. No one reacted to her sudden change of location.

"There's not." Mick replied. 

"We make it up as we go along," Lisa waved a hand, "it's not like every city has actual _supervillains_ , so who would write a handbook for how to do it?" Shawna sat up, opened her mouth. "No, let's not even get into that, Boo. No one in their right mind would take instructions from anyone in Gotham."

"And why do you all flirt with the heroes?"

"What?"

"Cold and The Flash do it every time they meet, Lisa and Hartley are having some sort of catfight over Cisco Ramon? And Mick, you always stare at that doctor lady the way you stare at fire-"

"Don't finish that sentence, Mardon, or your powers aren't gonna be enough to put out the fire."

**Author's Note:**

> I am... not sure about this one. I'd had the idea bouncing around for a while and the prompt gave me a reason to write it, but I almost dropped it entirely before that. Hopefully it isn't terrible. 
> 
> May come edit it a bit tomorrow, I usually take more time to do so, but I really wanted to get it out on the right day. 
> 
> Find me at http://cliches-and-coffee.tumblr.com/


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